Quote from: Algae on September 17, , PM. Offline What is your sexual orientation: Straight Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner Posts: Smother them with love and try to get them to apologize. That will send them packing. Quote from: Blimblam on September 18, , AM.
Yes I am compassionate for their suffering , but it does not give my ez permission to use me as emotional punching bag. Yes I enabled at the start and I did appoligise and communicate after I found out that it was unhealthy for me. They have a new bunch of folk patting them pon the back saying poor darling etc. That's why we fell so hard for them and why it feels so good , it will come apart for the new person just as much as it did for you. She believes it enough to fill her needs.
Change to fit her unreal expectations will kick in. What your seeing is what we all went through in the adoration phase of the relationship. Jisat think what it takes to just walk info anorthers bed and how easy her memories were discarded. We did no wrong , except we believed them , and love them. I honestly think mine is gone for good, and weirdly I think that's partly because I sent him an email saying I'd always be open to talk about reconciliation.
I think that's given him the incentive to carry on his ST, maybe thinking I'll always be available, and I'm guessing he's just over me by now. Obviously the more time goes on the more I've moved on myself, but anyway. I've not heard from mine since I left him nearly four months ago and I can't see any reason for that to change.
Offline Gender: What is your sexual orientation: Straight Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner Relationship status: Single Posts: They are desperately looking to join a club but they wouldn't join a club that would have them as a member.
It's a Sisyphean catch The more you give in they more they lose interest in you. It is impossible for them being with someone whe has dignity, boundaries, strength - it doesn't play well in their world. This means that they don't have control and loss of control brings possibility of abandonment. So they will work hard to erode any sense of self respect and control you have over your life.
When I was ok she wasn't ok, when she was ok I wasn't. That was our dynamic. They will bring you down. Now if you have left with some dignity intact, if you did not become a complete doormat and shown some strength then expect to hear back. Offline Gender: What is your sexual orientation: Straight Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner Relationship status: single Posts: 7.
You can identify splitting most commonly through the language of a person with BPD. Suddenly, any good feelings you have about yourself disappear, and you get very down on yourself.
But a person with BPD can split their perception to avoid the anxiety of others perceiving them as worthless if they do the job first. You have a mentor you deeply admire. You want to be like them, and you tell them so.
Then one day your mentor undergoes turmoil in their marriage. You view this as a sign of weakness. Suddenly, you view your mentor as a complete fraud and failure. You want nothing to do with them. You completely separate yourself and your work from them and look for a new mentor elsewhere. Such splitting can leave the person being hurt, annoyed, and confused by the sudden shift in your perception.
Splitting is an unconscious attempt to safeguard ego and prevent anxiety. Splitting often leads to extreme — and sometimes destructive — behavior and personal turmoil in relationships. Splitting often confuses those who are trying to help people with BPD. Those with BPD often report having intense and unstable relationships. Some relationship traits of a person with BPD include:. Splitting is a defense mechanism commonly developed by people who have experienced early life traumas, such as abuse and abandonment.
Long-term treatment involves development of coping mechanisms that improve your perspective of the events happening in your life. Reducing anxiety can also help. You may feel at the mercy of their symptoms. If you feel capable enough to help, here are some tips:. BPD is a mental health disorder characterized by extremes in the way a person thinks, feels, and acts. Many people with BPD form extreme characterizations about themselves, others, objects, beliefs, and situations during episodes called splitting.
Situations associated with anxiety often trigger splitting episodes. The good news is that there are things you can do to try to stop the unhealthy cycle of interpersonal conflict and abandonment. Borderline personality disorder is often treated with a combination of medication and psychotherapy. Talk therapy can be especially effective in identifying triggers and managing symptoms that most often lead to relationship conflicts and fear of abandonment.
These skills can help people with BPD learn to be more effective in relationships, which can make those relationships stronger and more likely to last. Schema-focused therapy also may be helpful in identifying and actively changing problematic ways of thinking that are causing issues.
It can help people with BPD pinpoint unmet needs that they've been trying to get others to meet in an unhealthy way and find healthy ways to get those needs met instead. Some people with BPD have had experiences in early childhood that would understandably leave them afraid of people leaving them. Talking about how those early experiences influence their current ways of viewing and interacting with the world may be helpful.
Psychotherapy is a primary treatment for people with BPD, but caregivers and partners may also benefit from therapy to help them cope with the challenges of maintaining a healthy relationship with a loved one with BPD.
Often partners may unintentionally enable or exacerbate their loved one's BPD symptoms. Therapy can help stop this cycle by teaching partners skills to better support their loved one, strengthen communication , cope with their own stress, and help increase understanding between all parties. Being there to provide support to someone coping with borderline personality disorder can be challenging but is also a key successful treatment.
Awarenesses of a loved one's fear of abandonment, understanding how that fear contributes to interpersonal relationship conflict, and learning how to provide your loved one emotional validation is a good place to start. Loved ones of people with BPD can help by encouraging improved communication, problem-solving skills, emotional regulation, distress tolerance, mindfulness, and other coping methods.
If you or someone you love is coping with BPD, know that treatment can be effective and may help to reduce relationship conflict. Also, know that having BPD does not make someone a bad person or mean that they are destined to be abandoned.
With treatment, hard work, and time, it is possible to have more stable relationships and learn to view both yourself and others in a healthier, more realistic, and more compassionate manner. Learn the best ways to manage stress and negativity in your life. National Institute of Mental Health. Borderline Personality Disorder. Revised December Personality Disorders. Updated November Luna Greenstein. Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder.
National Alliance on Mental Health.
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