Since I endorse positive thinking, of course I will rationalize that the door is closed for a reason in every which way. However, these complicated situations got me thinking about the thought process behind the hurt.
Why does it matter to us so much? We also have emotional needs. Once our physical needs are met, filling our core emotional needs becomes our number one priority in life.
Whether we choose to acknowledge it or not, the desire for validation is one of the strongest motivating forces known to man.
The article explains that everyone has the inherent desire to feel safe and secure, and human behavior revolves around the need to garner that sense of physical and emotional security. There is a huge degree of inner peace and security connected to feeling good about who we are. Since the need for approval, love and acceptance from our parents is strong, we become conditioned over time to seek approval from others as well. This threatens our sense of security and disrupts our inner harmony.
When you work hard on a project or goal, find a way to reward yourself. It is not egotistical to give yourself acknowledgment. Not only do those bestowing their approval have power over you, but you are digging yourself into a hole of insecurity as you affirm your dependency on this approval over and over. This is time and effort you could spend elsewhere, on a more durable endeavor: establishing your self-worth from the inside out rather than the outside in and reinforcing your authentic self , which will serve you much better than a substitute sense of Self with a flimsy foundation.
Recognize criticism as feedback, not as disapproval. Decide what success means to you. Remember the definition of success from earlier?
Is that what success means to you, or does it mean something else? Developing emotional self-awareness can help you clarify what your desires are, and whether your goals are in fact aligned with those desires. But no can be an opportunity, too. And who knows? Maybe someone will notice and be impressed that you said no for once. Open yourself to the possibility of feeling unconditionally loved and living as your own person.
Gibson, Lindsay C. Vogels, Antoinetta. The Motivation Cure , She takes pride in crafting content that is clear, conversational and draws people in with what we all want to hear: a good story. We trust their opinion more than our own, so we see their opinion as more valid because we're not trusting ourselves or our perspective.
There is good news, though — you can totally turn this around and learn how to build better trust and confidence in yourself. Read on for expert tips on how to stop seeking validation from others and to feel extra great about yourself instead.
So take the time to catch these thoughts as they happen, possibly by meditating or journaling, and note how they make you feel. Work on replacing harsh thoughts with more positive reflections that make you feel good instead. While there's nothing wrong with collaborating with other people, you don't want to be persuaded because you may not truly believe in your voice yet.
This could apply to work skills , hobbies, relationships, making decisions, etc. Comprehending why you're constantly seeking approval from others can make it easier to eliminate the behavior altogether.
Hibbert , Psy. Understanding the motive behind your need for approval is an important step in overcoming it. Once you have your list, start doing those things, says Dr. Kinga Mnich , a social psychologist, lecturer, and speaker. Once you complete these fears you will not require approval from others. You can also try this tip for a faster boost of confidence : Write down five things you have accomplished that day — no matter how small or big — before you go to bed at night, suggests Mnich.
Jot down that you walked your dog, called your brother, answered a tough email, drank some water, vacuumed — literally anything you checked off your list.
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